


What's Left of My Heart's Still Made of Gold

by bloodydifficult



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-06-09 02:09:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15257082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodydifficult/pseuds/bloodydifficult
Summary: Sara knows she should probably call the team for help, but all she wants is to hear Ava's voice.





	What's Left of My Heart's Still Made of Gold

**Author's Note:**

> special thanks to Lucy ((lucylikestowrite)) for being super supportive

The mission was straightforward: get in and get out of sixteenth-century France.

It should have been simple enough–had it not been for the involvement of a werewolf. That’s right, the Legends themselves were to deal with an actual legend. Gideon’s briefing revealed that Gilles Garnier, suspected werewolf in 1570s France, escaped his execution and continued to wreak havoc in the Franche-Comté Province.

The Legends had been busier than ever lately, working “alongside” the Time Bureau to clean up anachronisms. Thanks to their hard work, the map wasn’t nearly as cluttered, but there were still a few high-leveled ones that needed taking care of eventually.

After dealing with a particularly draining anachronism which got the whole team’s spirits down, Sara figured they could use a pick-me-up. The Captain’s send-off of, “Alright, Legends, sharpen your pitchforks because we’re going werewolf hunting” was met with enthusiastic howling from the group, led by Nate and Wally.

As the team went forth to prepare, Sara took a moment in her office to call Ava. She and the Time Bureau Director found themselves to be closer than ever with the events of Mallus now three months in the past.

It still felt brand new to them, each day presenting itself with highs and lows. She could see how much Ava still struggled with her newfound identity–or lack thereof–and wanted to provide as much support as possible. She owed her that much.

There was a lot of blame Sara inflicted on herself for running away from Ava all those months ago. The Director had forgiven her, of course, but it still weighed heavy on the Captain's heart. She took it upon herself to be a better girlfriend, and even better friend, to Ava.

They took their time and developed a routine that comfortably combined their work and personal lives.

The time was split between Sara spending nights at Ava’s apartment and Ava on the Waverider. This night would have been at the Director’s apartment, but with the new mission, Sara wanted to call ahead and explain.

“It seems Director Sharpe is unavailable for a video call,” Gideon announced as Sara stared at the blank screen. “Would you like to leave a message?”

As if on cue, the Captain’s wrist buzzed with a message from Ava displayed on her watch’s screen: ‘ _Hey babe. Sorry, stuck in a meeting. Everything okay?’_

Sara was grateful for these devices Ava had gifted them, allowing the two to secretly stay within reach. “It’s alright, Gideon, thanks,” she replied to the AI while pulling out her phone.

_‘they’re oookay, but about to get better! just wanted to let you know about a new anachronism we’re picking up so idk what time i’ll be back tonight. really seems like the team could use it right now. call you later?’_

Her phone buzzed. ‘ _Alright, Lance. Stay out of trouble.’_

Sara smiled as a follow-up text came in: ‘ _I love you.’_

_‘Love you too!’_

 

-

 

The mission was straightforward: get in and out of sixteenth-century France while subduing the “formerly alleged, now real” werewolf.

When the Legends arrived at the site of the execution, they witnessed Gilles Garnier break free from the pyre and a large, raging werewolf stood before them.

“I’ll make him burn,” Mick grumbled as he approached the beast, heat gun raised.

“Wait!” Ray yelled, but was too late. As Mick pulled the trigger, the werewolf launched itself forward–effectively swiping the Legend away and crashing into the pyre.

The werewolf let out a ferocious howl towards the night sky, then took off at a sprint to the forest behind. At this point, the crowd was completely riled; half the people shouted in fear as the others rallied together.

Sara groaned, and put a finger to her comms. “We’re going after him, but we can’t let any of them get in the way!” She glanced over at Mick, who laid unconscious in pile of wood. “Wally, take Mick back to the ship now! Then you and Ray are on crowd control! Zari and Nate with me! Go!”

Following their Captain’s orders, the teams split up on their respective missions. The current armor Gideon had fabricated them was era-appropriate, but slowed Sara down significantly more than her White Canary outfit. She, Zari, and Nate broke through the tree line and into the forest.

With only the light of the moon above to guide them, they followed the werewolf’s tracks as best they could. The deeper into the darkness they went, the fewer signs of the beast remained. A footprint or two here and some claw marks there. Eventually the tracks had vanished completely, leaving the three alone in silence.

Leaning over to catch her breath, Sara started to feel just how cold the air was around them.

“So…what now?” Zari broke the silence. As Sara opened her mouth to respond, she heard a rustling nearby. She held up her hand, signaling for silence. They waited, eyes peering through the darkness, but the noise had faded.

“We should head ba–“ Nate suggested, but was cut off by a deafening roar that caught the team off guard.

Eyes wide, Sara tried to discern the source but it was loud enough to feel as if it were coming from all directions. She turned and was met with a dark mass towering over her, bright yellow eyes piercing her from above. Before she had time to react, Sara felt quick slashes across her chest. She fell to her knees, gasping in pain.

Before the beast had a chance to attack again, Nate’s steel fist met its gut and sent it reeling backwards. The werewolf growled and took off yet again. Zari, who knelt down beside Sara, reached to remove Sara’s clutching arm and assess the damage.

“No, I’m fine!” She yelled, hunched over and gripping her body close. “Go after it now, we can’t lose it!” They couldn’t afford to let the werewolf roam free, especially when they were so close.

Zari made to argue, but her voice was drowned out by a nearby howl.

“That’s an order! I won’t tell you again!” Sara didn’t know how much longer she could continue kneeling.

With a sigh, Zari rose to her feet. She mentioned something about getting Wally, but the message was lost to Sara who was struggling to keep her breathing under control. They ran off, disappearing further into the forest, leaving Sara to finally rest on the ground.

Her body collapsed and she gasped for air. Pulling away her right arm from her chest, Sara winced at the cold air grazing her wounds. She looked over to find blood dripping from her hand and forearm and sighed.

With her comms still secured in her ear, she knew she would have to call for help, but that wasn’t her first instinct. Sara was tired. She had been tired for a long time. Though months had already passed, time was still very much broken and it was a burden she continued to bear. It was even more difficult with Rip gone.

She never regret it, though, because then she would never have met Ava. That was the most positive takeaway from it all: Ava Sharpe had made a home in her heart. A heart she thought too broken, too empty, now housed the warmest love Sara had ever experienced. And in this moment, all she wanted was to hear Ava’s voice.

Taking a deep breath, she reached her arm out and tapped the screen of her watch. Pressing down for a few seconds, the watch beeped and the words ‘ _Calling Ava’_ appeared on the screen. Sara lifted her wrist and draped it gently below her chin.

One ring. This was what she wanted, she thought. It was too much to think of anything or anyone else.

Two. For now she wanted something normal, something familiar. She wanted to focus on the weight of her heart rather than her wounds.

Three rings. She was sure the Legends would be back for her soon, but right now Sara wanted to let herself have this moment.

Four.

 

–

 

Ava used to pride herself on her levelheadedness. She always believed a good leader meant being direct, yet patient. Today just happened to have her patience wearing thin.

Finally back in the safety of her own office, Ava set down a stack of papers on her desk and fell into her chair. She couldn’t help but kick herself for wishing for an end to her boring meeting earlier, only to be met with a stressful situation.

A familiar buzzing of her wrist was enough to make it all okay as ‘ _Incoming Call: Sara’_ displayed on the screen. As she reached to answer the call, her door burst open.

“Nope! Uh-uh. Not now, Gary!” she yelled, waving him off. Her wrist continued buzzing.

Gary, only poking his head from behind the door, wore his usual anxious expression. He opened his mouth to speak, but Ava’s glare was enough to get him to back out of the room again.

Quickly, she tapped to accept the call, thankful that Gary hadn’t managed to interrupt them as per usual.

“Hey, you!” Ava said, perhaps too eagerly. “I thought the mission would take longer. Are you back on the ship?”

She was unsure how much time had passed for her girlfriend, but it couldn’t have been more than a few hours since they had last spoken.

“Not yet,” Sara answered, “we decided to stick around for a bit…but I wanted to hear your voice.”

Ava let out a soft hum of laughter. Sara always knew how to make her feel special. “You’re such a softy, Lance.”

“So what if I am?” It’s true, Ava made Sara incredibly soft. It wasn’t something either of them equated with weakness, though. It made them strong in other ways.

“Tell me about your day,” Sara added.

Ava sighed. “I’m sure my day was completely dull compared to yours.”

“Nah, not much to report on my end,” Sara replied. “Please?”

“Well, there was this one thing that drove me absolutely nuts,” Ava began. The Director went on to explain how someone managed to completely erase the Bureau’s data of the year 1851 from their system. It wasn’t an issue that would affect the timeline, but rather the organization that helped keep things at the Bureau in order.

“What did you do?” Sara’s voice echoed from the watch’s speaker, full of enthusiasm.

“I did what any sensible director of a timeline-maintaining organization would do,” Ava replied.

“Which is?”

“Gave him until the end of my lunch break to get the data back.”

“And?” Sara responded eagerly, “did he get it back?”

“Ohh, did he,” Ava affirmed, “I even returned from my break to a gift basket on my desk from the guy, which I can only assume is Gary’s doing because it had all of my favorites from the bakery down the street.”

“Anyways,” the Director continued, “that was about as crazy as my day got. I let him off with a warning; it seemed his agonizing was punishment enough. I have to admit, though, it was pretty entertaining to watch him come face-to-face with me and explain what happened. I’m sure you would’ve loved to see it.”

Ava sighed and leaned back in her chair. Sometimes she wondered what her life would be like were it not intertwined with Sara’s. Whatever the answer may have been, she knew it would be for the worse.

There was still much that remained for Ava to uncover about her life as a clone. Everything she knew about herself was a lie, a fabrication by someone else. How could she know if anything about her was real or genuine? Her quirks, her talents, even her favorite foods could be reduced to lines of code.

It sent her to a dark place, and Ava wasn’t sure she was even truly out of it. When the darkness clouded her mind and weighed her down, there was always one constant: Sara. The past few months had not only been a new start for their relationship, but a new start for Ava and her identity as well.

Sara had been there for it all–the breakdowns, the anxiety, the doubt–and kept Ava grounded through the worst of it. It was Sara’s idea to help Ava create new memories and find a new purpose; Sara was helping her to find herself.

“Is it crazy how much I find myself missing you throughout the day?” Ava spoke softly, “I mean, even when nothing happens I still wish you were here to share in that…nothingness with me. I'm probably not making sense, am I?”

When Ava was met with silence, she grew flustered. Perhaps she had gone a bit too deep for what started as a casual conversation.

“Never mind, we can just talk about something else. Anything else.” Ava waited a beat. “Sara?”

She looked to her wrist, but the screen still displayed the call as being active. “Sara, are you there?”

She waited. Panic formed in her chest and settled in her stomach. She very easily could have been overreacting. Sara said they were just hanging around…but she didn’t confirm they had actually fixed the anachronism neither. In their line of work, anything was possible.

“Sara?!” No response.

Ava sat up in her chair and moved swiftly to her keyboard. Syncing her watch to her computer, she located Sara’s end of the call: 1573 France. She punched in the coordinates on her time courier and hastily made her way toward the portal that appeared in her office.

It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the opposing darkness, but once they did, Ava gasped. On the ground a few feet away laid her girlfriend.

“SARA!” Ava ran and practically fell to her knees beside Sara’s body. She breathed frantically as she tried to process the sight before her. Sara’s body laid limp on the ground–her right arm by her side, covered in blood, while the left rested along her chest.

The watch on Sara’s wrist read Ava’s name and the time elapsed from their call, which was still ongoing.

“You idiot!” Ava growled as her eyes started to well up. She swept Sara’s hair aside and checked for a pulse. Faint, but still there. Her fingers trembled, resting on Sara’s neck, but she couldn’t move them away.

“You can’t do this,” Ava said, each word feeling heavier on her lips until all she could manage was a soft whisper, “you can’t leave me. Not now.” _‘Not ever,’_ she thought.

The Director’s training had prepared her for exact scenarios such as this, but her ability to recall procedure was delayed by the fact that this wasn't just some other agent. It was Sara. Her Sara.

Everything inside screamed at Ava to move, to get help, to do _something_. Rather, all she could focus on was her girlfriend’s face that appeared almost peaceful. There was even a hint of a smile on the other woman’s mouth, and Ava couldn’t decide who she was angrier with: Sara or herself.

She flashed back to when they were in an almost identical situation: Sara’s body on the floor of the Waverider with Ava above her, begging her to come back.

Without thinking, Ava moved her hand as she had done so in the past and pressed it firmly against Sara’s chest. It had become their thing, their way of grounding each other when the world became too much. However, this time when Ava’s hand laid on Sara’s chest, it rested in blood.

“Damn you,” she whispered, a tear falling off her nose onto the woman below.

A sound from behind tore Ava from her thoughts. Instinctively, she threw herself over Sara in a defensive stance and held on tight.

“I’m telling you, it was this way!”

“And how would you know when everything looks the same in the dark?”

It was the Legends. Ava recognized Nate and Zari’s voices, relief washing over her. She opened her mouth to call for help, but only silence managed to escape her lips.

“Ava?”

Zari appeared from the shadows, Nate close behind. Ava looked up to them, eyes brimmed with tears as she struggled to speak.

“H-Help,” was all Ava could manage.

“Sara…” said Nate, “we have to get her to Gideon.”

Ava knew he was right, but she couldn’t move; she didn’t dare leave Sara’s side. In some way, her mind had equated her hand on Sara’s chest as being the anchor that kept the woman alive. It was the only thing that gave her comfort.

Zari approached Ava slowly and knelt down beside her. “Ava, look at me.”

Ava turned her head to see Zari looking at her with sympathetic eyes.

“We have to get Sara back to the ship,” Zari said slowly so Ava could register each word.

Ava took a deep breath and, with a firm expression, nodded her head in response. Swapping her right hand on Sara’s chest for her left, Ava lifted the time courier in front of Zari.

“The button on the left,” Ava said, desperately trying not to choke on her words.

Zari nodded and did as she was instructed. When the button clicked, a bright portal opened before them to reveal the bridge of the Waverider.

Nate took a step slowly towards Sara, but Ava stopped him.

“No,” she said quickly, “I’ve got her.”

Ava took a deep breath and removed her hand from Sara’s chest. Carefully, she tucked her arms beneath her girlfriend, one supporting Sara near her shoulders and the other, her legs. Ava stood and made her way quickly through the portal, carrying Sara bridal style.

Fear seeped in with every step she took; she had no way of knowing what she was walking towards. Ava wished she were stronger as she felt her lip tremble.

The doors to the med-bay opened as Ava approached, the bright lights helping somewhat to sober the Director. She saw Mick resting in the chair on the left, ice pack in hand.

Ava set Sara down in the open chair, gently laying her girlfriend’s head down until it was completely supported. She grabbed the silver monitor and attached it to Sara’s wrist. The screen on the wall lit up, mirroring Sara's vitals for all to see.

“Gideon?” Ava asked aloud, not taking her eyes off Sara. Even months later she wasn’t completely convinced the AI had warmed to her yet, but she knew that Gideon wouldn’t let that get in the way of Sara’s health.

“I’ll do everything I can, Director Sharpe,” the AI’s voice echoed throughout the room.

Her words didn’t help to lessen Ava’s anxiety, but they at least provided some comfort. The Waverider’s AI was by far the most advanced technology they had access to. Sara was in good hands.

As Gideon got to work, Ava looked down to find herself to be a complete mess. Her arms and shirt were stained with blood while dirt covered her knees. She could feel strands of hair falling beside her face and assumed her bun was a lost cause.

“Come on,” said Zari as she approached the Director, “let’s get you cleaned up.”

Ava made to protest but the smaller woman gently rested a hand on her shoulder and said, “Sara will be safe with Gideon. Besides, you don’t want to be here looking like crap when she wakes up.”

“Yeah, okay,” Ava agreed. She didn’t have the energy to argue with Zari about how it was possible Sara would not wake up. Ava needed reassurance, but she knew just sitting and waiting for Sara to recover wasn’t going to provide any.

Zari walked Ava to the bathroom and ran the shower. “I’ll go grab you some clothes. Just…hang in there.”

The door closed behind her, finally leaving Ava to herself. She just wanted today to be over. She wanted to get in the shower knowing Sara would be joining her any moment now, but the day was long and Sara wouldn't be coming.

Ava dared a glance at the mirror. She looked about as put together as she thought and was suddenly grateful for the opportunity to shower.

Ava undressed and stepped under the water, which at this point was far too hot for comfort. It didn’t bother her, though. She couldn’t feel it. She couldn’t feel much of anything at the moment.

She did her best to focus on the task at hand, attempting to scrub away her ever-present worries. Her movements were slow, but deliberate. She was numb.

After turning off the water, Ava reached for one of her towels that hung on the nearby rack. The rack held towels in an assortment of colors, each belonging to different Legends with their names written neatly above.

Ava remembered finding it incredibly endearing when she first started frequenting the Waverider. The sentiment only grew when one time Ava returned to discover her name labelled on the hook next to Sara’s. Though she might not go as far as to say it yet herself, Ava was a Legend.

Making her way towards the mirror, Ava noticed a long-sleeved shirt and sweatpants folded neatly on the sink, both belonging to Sara. She dressed quickly and made her way back to the med-bay, her damp hair tied in a loose ponytail.

When she rounded the corner of the hallway, Ava thought she heard…laughing?

“Turns out it actually _was_ an ointment that caused the transformations,” she heard Ray explain. “And once the ointment wore off–poof! No more werewolf.”

“Yeah!” Wally added, not even trying to contain his amusement. “Dude was completely naked and passed out when we found him. It was great.”

By the time Ava reached the door, she heard Sara’s voice.

“Wow, well I’m glad _you_ had a great time!” Her voice was strong. Healthy, even.

The door opened and Ava couldn’t believe her eyes: Sara, sitting up in her seat, laughing with her team. The wounds on the Captain’s chest were no longer visible, the only evidence of an attack being her tattered clothes.

“Ava…”

Sara’s voice struck Ava hard. Every emotion she had just spent washing away in the shower came flooding back.

The Legends turned and suddenly all eyes were on her–none affecting her more than Sara’s.

“Let’s…give Cap and Mrs. Cap a moment,” said Nate, visibly appearing as if the team were invading their space. Together they filed out, continuing to recount stories of the mission. The door shut behind them, leaving the two women in silence.

“Guess now you’re in the lead in our game of ‘Who Saves Who?’” Sara said sheepishly.

The lightness in her voice was enough to make Ava snap.

“I cannot believe you!” she yelled.

Sara recoiled at her voice and shrunk back in her chair. “I know…” was all she managed to say.

Ava scoffed. “How could you do that?! Call me and talk to me like _nothing_ was wrong? How could you be so idiotic? So selfish? So–“ she stopped herself. She had been pacing back and forth, tears filling her eyes.

“I’m so sorry, Ava,” Sara said. “I just…I just wanted something to be normal.”

Ava rolled her eyes, hands moving to her hips in frustration. “I already told you I don’t want you to be normal.”

“Yeah…” Sara smiled sadly, “I guess sometimes I wish I were. For both our sakes.” She swung her legs to the side of the chair, opening a space for Ava to sit beside her.

It took everything in Ava not to run to her girlfriend and just let go. She would. But for now, she was hurt.

Ava crossed her arms over her chest, visibly retreating into herself. “It’s not just you, you know. You’re not alone in this world. You have a whole team of people depending on you. People who care about you.” She sighed, wrapping her arms tighter around herself.

“You’re right,” Sara agreed. “I was being stupid and irresponsible.”

Ava looked at her, unsure if Sara actually agreed or just wanted to placate her. Either way, Ava couldn’t help feeling the anger and frustration dissipate with every passing second. She could feel relief flood in along with something else, something much stronger. Love.

Ava approached Sara slowly and sat on the chair’s edge beside her. She kept her arms crossed, not to protect herself from Sara but to keep all of her feelings from spilling out. Her eyes met Sara’s, and Ava finally got the chance to really get a look at her girlfriend.

Thanks to Gideon, Sara looked to be her normal self, or at least that's how she must have appeared to her team. Ava saw otherwise, though. She could see a slight shift in Sara's demeanor and it became more evident just how exhausted she was. Her eyes, still the deepest of blues, didn't shine as brilliantly as normal. Her shoulders hung a bit heavier and her smile a bit weaker.

The way Sara was looking at her, Ava could bet she was seeing the same things in her too.

"I don't know who I am yet," Ava whispered, a tear finally breaking through and descending her cheek. “I don't know who I am without you." It was a terrifying notion, but Sara had been her one true solace after the discovery in 2213. Ava wasn't sure she had the courage to continue digging deeper by herself, closer to truths she would rather remain hidden.

Sara smiled sadly and moved closer to the other woman until their bodies sat side by side, legs touching.

“I know who you are,” Sara said. Her hand came up to rest on Ava’s cheek as she brought their foreheads together. “I know who you are, Ava Sharpe. And I’m so sorry for what I’ve put you through. I don’t ever want to leave you. I was…I _am_ …just so tired.”

Ava fell into her girlfriend’s touch, no longer preventing the tears from falling down her face. “Me too.” She felt incredibly guilty knowing that most of Sara's energy lately had been spent supporting herself. They couldn't keep going like this, otherwise they wouldn't have much left to give.

"I promise I'm here for you, too," Ava said. "I know it hasn't seemed like it lately, but god, Sara, I swear it's true. I'd do anything for you."

Sara smiled and it warmed Ava's heart. She nodded, leaning in closer for a kiss, but gave Ava the choice to fill the rest of the space. Ava's reluctance disappeared as she leaned in, gently pressing her lips against Sara's.

In this moment, kissing Sara felt like coming home; home to a place she was afraid she had lost. Together they would figure it all out, confronting their demons side by side. But for now, this was enough. It would always be enough.

**Author's Note:**

> woow, my first ever fic! comments would be v helpful and much appreciated. idk i do design and make a lot of gifs, but this was still a lot of fun to write! and i'd like to keep trying bc it gave me so many more ideas for Avalance fics in the future.
> 
> anyways, come cry about these idiots w me on tumblr: bloodydifficult.tumblr.com


End file.
